AKA: How to use love languages to improve your child’s behaviour, self-esteem and support their wellbeing.
Love languages can change throughout childhood...and it may not always be crystal clear which your child favours.
Our children use love languages to check their needs are important to us...and that’s always going to be big deal, whether they are 3 or 13.
So why does it matter?
Children are born with a need for attachment to a secure adult. This attachment does continue throughout life BUT it is extra important in childhood when we are helpless, vulnerable and have an immature brain. Attachment is a basic survival mechanism. In short, our children are unconsciously communicating their needs with us every day and the way we respond impacts that attachment. I've written a little bit about this communication here with my acronym LUIS.
Simply put, we can tap into our children's love languages to ensure our children feel loved.
Two important points before you keep reading:
Love Languages can change throughout childhood and it might not always be crystal clear which one(s) your child prefers. If you feel like your child is all of them then that's okay too.
Love Languages are simply a guide to help your connection with your child and absolutely not a rule. Pick and choose what works for your family.
The concept of love languages has been around for decades and they are usually defined as these 5: WORDS OF AFFIRMATION, QUALITY TIME, PHYSICAL TOUCH GIFTS AND ACTS OF SERVICE.
IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
You might see...
A child who asks questions or seeks opinions and compliments about something they have done. You may find they are extremely proud when you praise them.
Things they might like...
Little notes in their lunchbox, ‘accidentally’ overhearing you say nice things about them, hearing your praise, positive words of encouragement, post-it notes on the mirror.
IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS PHYSICAL TOUCH
You might see...
A child who wants to touch you in some way, pull on your clothes or fiddle with your hands or hair. You may find your child settles quickly when you cuddle them.
Things they might like...
Holding hands, rubbing their back, massaging their feet, creating a special handshake, giving high fives, having group hugs, playing gentle tickling games.
IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS QUALITY TIME
You might see...
A child who likes to do things with you and asks you to do things with them. Your child may be happier in your company than alone and may seek your attention often.
Things they might like...
Special 1:1 time, planning things to do together, coming with you while you do your errands, playing games with you, sitting near to you while they read, draw, play etc.
IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS GIFTS
You might see...
A child who likes to make you things or gift you things like feathers or rocks. You may find your child asks for extra toys, magazines, treats, etc.
Things they might like...
Surprise them with their favourite snack, pick flowers for them, make them something, gift them a photo of you both, write them a card to receive in the post, create a treasure hunt for them.
IF YOUR CHILD’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF SERVICE
You might see...
A child who does things for you without being asked. You may find your child is resistant to do tasks themselves & asks for help even when able to do so independently.
Things they might like...
Being carried up to bed, finding activities you have set up for them, having help with tasks they could do independently, being made their favourite meal, being asked what they need.
Can you spot your child’s love language? 🫶🏼
If you’re finding it hard to spot your child’s language ask yourself these three questions:
💫 How do they show love to you and others?
💫What do they ask for most?
💫What do they complain about most?
So in summary, love languages are an amazing way to connect with your child, strengthen your bond and ultimately, spread happiness. A little of all five is beneficial to all of us, especially as we change over time, but most humans have one they like the most.
You may read these and think “my child would love all of those” and that’s okay, hopefully it gives you some ideas to pick and choose from. But if you recognise any specific traits then start to use those ideas more to fill your child’s cup.
If your child's love language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION then they'll love our free affirmations ebook. Download it here.
If your child's love language is QUALITY TIME then you'd love our relaxation audios that can be enjoyed by all the family. Check them out here.
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